Cadaverous-Journal (online)

When I die I want to be cremated, because I don't want any one to be able to body snatch me and I don't really want to be taken apart. That just ruins everything in the solitude of death. I want to be sprinkled probably in the Hiawasee River, or in the ocean. I want it to be somewhere really serene and beautiful. That's where I want to when I am dead. But maybe i'll let someone have me. Like in meet the parents they have their dead grandma on their mantle and then Ben Stiller like ruins it. He like knocks over the remains of her cremated body on the floor. It's funny, but anyways maybe like my husband if I ever get married can have me in one of those vases. I want it to be real unique you know. Ian got sprinkled in the ocean I think. That's what someone told me. I think that is really neat. I prolly want be like sprinkled in water. Not like the bathtub though . I also don't want myself to get cut up and stuff that is just weird. I think my dad like donated his eyes or something like that on his drivers license it says if your a donator or whatever. Except I want to be whole before I am cremated. My cousin will got cremated. I remember after his funeral someone told me he was getting burned and like cremated and I just imagined him in this room of fire, but my aunt Betsy was there (that's his mom) and she was like watching while he was being cremated. She was just standing there you know. I never really thought about where he is. Like in heaven or hell or anything. He is deffinatly not in hell, but I don't really belive in heaven and hell. He is in the air. Where he loves it the most. That is what I believe. When you die, to me, you just go where your spirit is most welcome and where you love it the most. I've never really thought about what happens when you die. But the other day there was a whole bunch of ants on my bathtub and I thought about what do you do to become an aunt. I mean people have this whole recessive gene thing and hereditary stuff and its like what do ants to. How do you get to be an ant. I am not like trying to be an ant or anything, duh. But like what if you die and you are reincarnated into an ant. My uncle Will wants to be an otter when he dies. hmm if I was to be reincarnated, I'd probably want to be like... god, I don't even know what I would want to be reincarnated as. Probably some kind of water animal. Not like a fish though. I don't know why I love the water so much. In Anthony Kiedis's autobiography he talked about he was like a water person and stuff. I am like that too. I love water. Ok anyways I would like to be a turtle. You could chill out in the water and you would have a hard outside so no one really could hurt you that bad. Plus turtles are peaceful like so I'd like to be that. Man, I don't know where your soul goes though. Probably in like the wind. I can relate that to Pocahontas kind of. I mean like your soul doesn't jus jump out of your body. Well, to me if your burned then your soul can like jump out of there because your like being burned. Well, I don't think it jumps out it more so floats out of there. Plus if you donate yourself. Then when people are cutting yourself up, to me, I don't think your soul can go anywhere. I just cant see that. Your soul has got to go somewhere though so I mean I guess it just floats on out of there.